Love Letters

Westerners Learn Asian Dating Traditions
By Jason Hulott

Different ethnic and racial groups across the world have different ideas about how to mate. Some countries don't permit freedom in dating at all. But for groups that do have permissive dating rules, the Internet has a dating site for them. African-Americans have their own sites. Pagans have their own dating sites. Asian dating sites exist as well. But as with all ethnicities, Asians have a very different approach to dealing with dating. This has to do with the belief systems of the Asian people.

Dating an Asian person can be an eye-opening experience. It can expand the mind as well. Especially for Westerners who have never been exposed to another culture. Tradition in Asian countries is a very powerful thing. Among the differences between Asians and "Westerners":

*Gender roles are more defined in Asia than in the West. Men are the providers. The protectors. Women support the men, taking care of their needs. This doesn't mean men dominate. Relationships are quite respectful. It simply means that sex roles are more standardized than in other places.

*Family is paramount. Dates are brought home to meet the parents. These meetings can determine the future of the relationship. If a parent doesn't like a date, that is the end of it. Traditionally, Asian countries relied on arranged marriages. Parents would choose their children's mates. Often, the decision was made based on status. Or family honor. The children accepted it or learned to accept it. Fortunately, things are different now. But family still plays a large role in whom their children date. And marry. Therefore, Asian parents need to be recognized as part of the process.

*Culture is everything to the traditional Asian family. The Asian culture has a lot of yearly celebrations, just as Westerners do. The difference is that children in Asia don't get out of going to family get-togethers. So those dating Asians need to understand that they will be expected to join in the festivities. As possible, of course.

*Think long-term. Traditionally, dating is a lot more formal in Asia than in the West. The goal is long-term. Maybe marriage. Those wanting a short jaunt with a lot of physical contact are barking up the wrong tree, so to speak. Asian dating is nothing frivolous.

It is helpful to note that these differences in culture are based on perception. Some Asians have lived in the West so long they have lost some of that tradition. Their values reflect that. They often date many people. They may be open to gender-role differences. But don't expect that. Culture runs deep, and though an Asian person might not follow one tradition from their heritage, they may others.

Asian dating isn't any more complex than dating anywhere else. Each culture has its expected dating process. And expectations. Traditional Asian culture will take precedence over Western culture most of the time. Simply respecting the differences between the two very different peoples will help things go more smoothly. People may even find that the two cultures combine to form a very fruitful union. A relationship like this only serves to make the world seem smaller.

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